On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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