i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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