I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
