Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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