The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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