im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
