Don't you send me to vm
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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