Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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