then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
