A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
