You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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