a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
