in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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