I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
