i just had sex bonerless
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
