My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
