Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
