it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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