her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
