I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
