I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
