i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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