She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
