Say something about gay babies.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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