I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the day after is always just damage control
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
