i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
