he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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