The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This baby is an asshole
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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