whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
