so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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