I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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