Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
