mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
