i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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