After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
