Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
