What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
