drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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