I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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