White coat. Heels.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
