you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
