just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
