he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
