he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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