I have demons in me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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