Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
