sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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