Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
