I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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