my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
