This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
