Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
