i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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