he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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