remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
