she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
