She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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