he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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