I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
