i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
