Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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