I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
