Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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