Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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