Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Randomize
