Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i've created a new STD.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
