I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I love you. Go after that dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
