i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
