took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ketchup is God's man juice
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
