i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
