I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
