Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
