well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
