M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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