So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
