We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
