Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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