That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
