I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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