A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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