dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
