If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
