I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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