Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
