i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
