He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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