absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
