Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
