Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
